The glassy-eyed English teacher

Γth in a series] The glassy-eyed English teacher can easily be identified by his chirping sounds and by the movements of his hand wings. A transient bird indigenous chiefly to Canada, the United States, Australia and New Zealand, this species makes monosyllabic chirps that are mostly distinguished by the omission of what might be considered in human terms to be “articles of speech.”
As he chirps these truncated sentences, the bird gesticulates for emphasis. Possibly to indicate himself, he points to his chest. When indicating the bird to whom he chirps, the species points directly in front. If he wishes to eat, he makes what looks to be a scooping motion toward his mouth. To show he wants sleep, which he appears to need badly, he tilts his head and closes his eyes.

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The species can easily be identified by his eyes, which are universally bloodshot from overwork and overdrink. How does a bird overwork? By teaching classes that begin at 7 a.m. and end at 10 a.m., and then starting again at 6 p.m. and ending at 10 p.m. The school nests apparently call this a “split” shift. The glassy-eyed English teacher calls it a similar sounding shift.
Often the species wears eyeglasses, but these glasses frequently are twisted badly by young students who grab and pull at the spectacles, in playful gestures. The students do this to tease, and at times the glassy-eyed English teacher nearly pecks back in anger. The permanent knit of this bird’s brow comes from being under great stress dealing with the unruly younger birds and from being unable to understand the chirping of foreign species.
Whisker-like outcroppings can usually be spotted around this bird’s beak. It seems that for some of these species, a hot water problem exists in nesting areas. Thus, shaving becomes impossible on many days. Bathing, too.

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This bird loves to fly the coop, particularly migrating along southern routes to such habitats as Vietnam, Singapore and Thailand. He frequently winters there from early January until early March, when he returns to his school nest in South Korea. On beaches in Thailand in February members of this species can be spotted by the hundreds, basking in the sun and splashing in the water, now and then complaining about tasks back in South Korea and drinking large quantities of a cold, gold-colored liquid, just as they do on the peninsula.
When he departs the beach area of Thailand, which he doesn’t do often, the species fly unsteadily to a nearby town and always returns with a bracelet. This is his “shopping,” bird-watchers say. The species wears this bracelet as some sort of badge. In effect, the bracelet becomes his one and only souvenir of his entire inhabitancy in Asia.

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The glassy-eyed English teacher carries numerous items on his back as a means of storage, according to ornithologists. The items are found in a canvas bin, if you will. There are mainly items for his nest, such as broken sticks for eating and filthy sock-like wearables. Other items usually found in this canvas bin are school lesson plans from a season before and a registered letter from officials in a far-off government, Canada being one of those places. These officials seem to be telling this bird that he is long overdue on his college loans and that he must repay same immediately.
There is also in the back bin a flight pass to Toronto, which the species forgot to use and apparently chirps of using at any moment.
Evidently, the glassy-eyed English teacher reads, because he stores books such as manuals for peculiar things called the GRE and the LSAT. There are strange guide books to Sri Lanka and Finland. Researchers have discovered the species also travels with what has been determined to be a bug spray, used for the many roaches found in the nest provided by his school.

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A book the glassy-eyed English teacher started reading when he flew onto the peninsula for the winter, and continues to read three winters later, is “How to Write a Screenplay and Make a Million Dollars.” The species has marked several pages with feathers. Some day, he chirps, he is going to write a great screenplay about avian life in South Korea. He chirped this promise even before he bought the book.

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The glassy-eyed English teacher can usually be found wearing what humans might call a necktie. This cheap piece of fabric, garish and flimsily put together, is inexplicably required of the species to appear in the school nests where he teaches. The species has angrily chirped long and hard with the big bird head of that school, about why he must dress with this item. Many glassy-eyed English teachers have been known to soar to the Namdaemun area to bring back four of these neckties, spending no more money for all of them than they would spend on a piece of string.
The neckwear is badly stained, as are most of the fabrics the glassy-eyed English teacher periodically can be found in. The stains, scientists say, can be traced to those cups he carries or to curious, instant noodles he eats at many meals. Occasionally the species flies out to eat and often spills a sauce-like substance on his front side, a meal that someone else has always purchased. The wrinkles in the neckwear come from forgetting to remove the item before falling asleep late at night or sometimes, late in the morning.

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The glassy-eyed English teacher is known to spend many nights, and many days as well, drinking a hot, brown-colored liquid. Not drinking from birdbaths or streams, but from synthetically made containers.
This liquid bears a strong caffeine smell and members of the species often take these containers with them to school, particularly when they must lecture to smaller birds. The drink is apparently needed to ignite the species’ cardiac system, since this bird is unable to sleep most nights. Indeed, most nights are spent consuming another, more powerful liquid -- cold and gold in color, and often filling tall glass jar devices.

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The glassy-eyed English teacher keeps in his front feathers a good supply of colored markers, which he uses on big white boards in his nesting school. The markers actually belong to the school and shouldn’t be with the bird. The markers cause all sorts of ink-like blotches on his wearables and on his hand wings. At times, the glassy-eyed English teacher chirps of giving one of these markers back to the big bird in charge of the school -- with great force.
Along with the markers, this bird also keeps cards with him that some observers term “flashers.” He pulls out these cards often and shows them to his student birds. Some of the students quietly chirp of giving a card or two back to the English teacher -- with great force.

by JoongAng Daily