Pardon me while I partyIf you were out last Saturday, you know the scene looked to be an Itaewon version of that one Stendhal book. One disco, Limelight, had a red party, while another, G Bar, had a black one.
At Limelight, you were supposed to be wearing your old “Be the Reds” T-shirt, or something else red. At G Bar, you were to come in black leather or denim.
Expectations, and cover charges, were hiked.
Unfortunately, both parties paled miserably, because the yellow-bellied organizers blew off the rules and let in off-color types. The red and black themes broke down, and everyone got the blues.
We at Itaewon Wanderings love theme parties, so we asked people at G Bar for other good ideas. Here’s a sampling of what we got:
― Nick, from South Africa, suggested a SARS Party: You wear one of those white masks, and you get your temperature taken at the door. No kissing.
― Min-gyu, from Seoul, suggested a Wet Underwear Party: You wear white underwear, with no overwear, and get sprayed periodically with a water hose.
― Sang-lin, Min-gyu’s friend, suggested another Underwear Party: You wear regular clothes, but with your underwear on the outside.
― Scott, from Texas, suggested a Cross-Dressing School Uniform Party: Men wear the standard-issue skirts and blouses, while women wear the nifty trousers and ties.
― Ron, from Tennessee, suggested a Botched Plastic Surgery Party: You use Halloween makeup or strapping tape to create horrid scars or Michael Jackson noses. Women use ace bandages and fruit to reposition or resize their breasts.
― Kate, from Australia, suggested a Dictator Appreciation Party: You come as Hussein, Mugabe, Kim or the like. The United Nations caters the party, giving you anything you want, and journalists stand by to remind you how charming and intelligent you are.
Not to be outdone, we came up with a few themes of our own:
― BBC Party: You pay the cover whether you go or not. You can’t smile and must insist repeatedly that the party is getting bogged down.
― The New York Times Party: As part of a contest, you make stupid predictions and factual distortions without running corrections. If you make more than anyone else you’re the winner, and get to be the Times’s new managing editor.
― The Kim Dae-jung Party: You pay a $500 million cover ― with other people’s money ― and get a Nobel Peace Prize.
― The Roh Moo-hyun Party: Early on, you demand that Americans leave the party. Later, you beg them to stay.
― The Buddhist Party: You wear a bald cap and affect airs of superiority.
― The Christian Party: You bring lighter fluid and destroy the Buddhists’ artifacts.
― The Jewish Party: You wear funny sideburns and dance Hasidically with the walls.
― The Muslim Party: We don’t make fun of Muslims in this column.
In fact, we pray to Allah that Itaewon gets a good theme party. We’re even keeping our pinkies crossed.
by Mike Ferrin