Erstwhile independent fiancee, my boyfriend the troglodyteQ.In a couple of months I plan to marry a woman I have dated for more than two years. Among the reasons I have found her attractive are her creativity, open-mindedness and, most of all, her independence.
My family and I really respected her work at a reputable advertising agency because we have always believed that women should have careers. After we got engaged, she spoke about quitting her job. I thought it was just idle talk brought on by the stress of her changing situation, but recently she resigned her position saying she needed “a lot of time to prepare for the ceremony.”
The truth is, I do not want a so-called traditional wife, one who sits home all day waiting for me to arrive from the office and expecting me to bear all of the financial burden of building our life together. I am sure that after a year or two of idling away her days at home she will become a boring person with whom I have nothing in common.
Why does she want to drop all of her accomplishments at such a critical time in her life? This question keeps bothering me, but because it is ultimately her decision, I do not know how to bring up the subject when I discuss our future with her.
A.Don’t be fooled when a Korean woman appears to be smart, successful and hard-working. Many young Korean women aspire to attend a good university or work for a top company only so they can marry well, as many modern men (like yourself) consider a smart working woman an ideal bride.
Essentially, there are two types of women, regardless of family or financial background: those who define themselves through their personal accomplishments and those who define themselves through others, usually their families. Sounds like your bride-to-be belongs to the second group. You have a right to discuss your feelings with her matter-of-factly. Making decisions about building a future as a married couple is not entirely up to her, and she should have discussed it with you before she resigned. When you bring up the issue, be prepared for her and her family to react unpleasantly, though. And, remember, life is a process of making choices that work for you.
Q. I hate the way my boyfriend dresses. What should I do?
A. If it bothers you so much, take him on a shopping spree. But do not expect him to get instantly hooked on fashion. Consider the evolution of humans from apes. Are you willing to wait that long for this guy to evolve into a fashionable man?
by Ines Cho