Cosmetic surgery surprise and a best friend’s burden

Q.I met a very attractive girl at a club six months ago. After three dates in one week, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and we have been together ever since.
Last weekend, a group of friends, both male and female, from my school joined us for a drink. When my girlfriend excused herself to go to the bathroom, every female friend said, giggling and laughing, that she had “her entire face done” and wondered whether I had noticed. I did not have a clue that she had had cosmetic surgery.
After my girlfriend came back from the restroom, all my guy friends stared at her face, and she became self-conscious. I too began to notice things about her facial features that I had not spotted before.
Maybe she realized that something was going on; we ended up having a big fight later that night. When she calls me now, I feel strange talking to her.
Is something wrong with me?
A.You feel cheated, don’t you? I’m sure you were embarrassed, too, when your so-called friends started trashing your girlfriend, dismissing her good looks as the work of a plastic surgeon’s scalpel.
Look, no amount of cosmetic surgery can turn a beast into a beauty. Some naturally beautiful people opt for surgery for enhancement. The choice was hers. And obviously it worked: You went for her, didn’t you?
If a little jealousy and criticism from your friends is too much for you to handle, then you do not deserve to have her. Try to open your mind and look beneath the surface.
Q.My married best friend recently started seeing her ex-boyfriend in secret and wants me to lie for her. What should I do?
A.It sounds like your friend is just having a fling, which she plans to end relatively soon. She is obviously preparing an alibi in advance. By confiding in you, she is very clearly asking for your help and advice. I am sure she understands all too well that if many of her other friends or her family were to find out, they would judge her very harshly. It is not your place to judge. Your role is to stand by your friend no matter what. Remaining true to a friend through trying times is one of the toughest tasks in life. Just be there for her and try to help her do what it is right.
Q.I recently met a very eligible, nice man who came to Korea to work on a business project. He says that he is in the process of divorcing his wife. I’m not sure what to think about our relationship now. Should I back out?
A. If you are planning to marry him, you are better off keeping your distance until he shows you the official divorce papers.

by Ines Cho