She won’t pay, he can’t let go

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She won’t pay, he can’t let go

Q.I ran into an old friend of mine, now a successful banker, at a bar a few weeks ago. While catching up, he and I somehow started talking about money issues between couples. He said that no matter how much money he makes, he finds it frustrating that he has to pay for everything for his girlfriend.
Later we both realized that he is dating my cousin. She thinks it is normal for men to pay for meals, telephone bills, clothes and just about everything else for her. She has no idea how uncomfortable it makes her boyfriend.
Should I tell my cousin how he feels?
A.This is a very sensitive issue for any couple. If you tell her everything, your cousin could get embarrassed or angry (or both) and might consider dumping your old chum. But, she also needs to know that her expectations upset her boyfriend.
It might be a good idea to bring up the issue of money between couples in general and let your cousin know what many men say about paying the way for women. Many young men today who are conditioned to treat women as equals think women who work should pay their fair share.
When a man expects a woman to pay for certain things, the issue is not necessarily the amount of money. He might just want to feel that he is not being used for his money by the person he loves.
Q.My ex-girlfriend is getting married, and I realized that I still have strong feelings for her. I have been mulling telling her to reconsider her marriage or even trying to take her away from her fiance, whom I feel she is not in love with. Am I delusional?
A.Maybe you have been watching too many Korean soap operas. The last thing a woman wants before her wedding day is to have her ex-boyfriend declare his undying love for her. You already had your chance, now mind your own business. That does not mean that you should not keep in touch with her. Keep the lines of communication open, and who knows maybe you will get a second chance.
Q.My new boyfriend wants me to meet his parents, but I do not feel I am ready to talk about marriage with his family. How can I get out of this?
A.Why do you want to get out of it? Not all parents want to meet their children’s dates to discuss marriage; your boyfriend’s parents might be simply curious about what kind of woman their son likes.
Often, meeting the parents can help you better understand the man you are dating, and of course a decision to marry does not have to be made right on the spot.

by Ines Cho
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