Roh has options, if he’s not too picky

The candle-burners blame the newspapers. North Korea blames the United States. The Raelians say it’s karmic retribution.
Whatever the reason, Roh Moo-hyun, at least for now, is out of a job.
At Mr. Roh’s age, 52, that’s not good. When a Korean man that old loses his job, he tends to think he’ll never find another. The situation can be desperate.
But Mr. Roh has at least one friend willing to help out: me. Mind you, I’m not actually his friend; but I’d like to think that if I knew him I would be, since I’m not rich and I don’t read the Chosun Ilbo.
Anyway, if the judges don’t reinstate him, Mr. Roh may soon need a new job. So I recently went looking for “help wanted” signs, hoofing it up and down Itaewon’s main drag.
Unsurprisingly, most of the businesses that were hiring were fast-food joints, such as KFC, Paris Baguette and Baskin Robbins. That’s no good ― it’s hard to imagine our erstwhile prez wearing a badge that says “Trainee Moo-hyun” and asking GIs if they want that in a cone or a cup.
A better option might be the Hausbrandt espresso shop, which is a few blocks west of the Hamilton Hotel. The manager there is looking for a daytime barista. But unfortunately they prefer a woman. Perhaps he could pass this one along to the first lady.
Mr. Roh might make a good bartender, since he once owned a spring water company. Several local watering holes are hiring, including the juicy bar Oasis, the gay bar Always Homme and the wine bar Bliss.
Of course, Mr. Roh made his name as a human rights lawyer. So he could set up a street-side booth and start dispensing legal advice.
His services would certainly come in handy for us foreigners ― especially for the Irish glee club, the next time it’s roughed up for overstaying its welcome at Helios.
You know, long before Mr. Roh passed the bar, he worked for a company that made fishnets; so he could try working at one of Itaewon’s many lingerie shops. A warning, though: They all change money on the side, so he’d need to be fast with figures, besides having a thing for thongs.
But Mr. Roh’s real thing, as we all know, is talking. So the most suitable job for him may be at the Nashville bar and restaurant, which needs a DJ for its new “country bar.”
A sign outside says the prospective cowboy spinner should be a “good ol’ boy” and have his own collection of CDs.
Wouldn’t it be peachy to have an ex-president calling out our line dances? But first he’ll need some country and western discs. I can relinquish my Hank Williamses, Patsy Clines and Johnny Cashes. Anyone else? Spare an old Garth Brooks CD for an unemployed head of state?
Maybe not. Let’s forget the job search and just hope, with all of our achy breaky hearts, that the judges reverse the dumb impeachment.

by Mike Ferrin