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불면

수메르 신화에 따르면 인류는 태어난 지 얼마 안 돼 물로 망할 뻔했다. 신의 잠을 방해한 탓이다. 신의 왕 엔릴은 수하의 신들에게 각종 잡일을 시켰다. 꾀가 난 신들은 진흙·침·피를 섞어 인간을 만든 뒤 대신 일을 맡겼다. 그런데 갈수록 늘어난 사람들이 소동을 피워대자 엔릴은 시끄러워 잠을 이룰 수 없었다. 견디다 못한 그는 대홍수를 일으켜 인류를 몰살시키려 했지만 다행히 다른 신의 폭로로 불발에 그치고 말았다(폴 마틴, 『달콤한 잠의 유혹』).


내가 한 영작
A Sumerian myth tells the story of the dangers of a bad night’s sleep. En-il, the chief deity, made ⓐgods under him ⓑto take care of miscellaneous business such as cultivating land. The gods created human beings by mixing clay with their saliva and blood, and let them take over their burden of work. By and by, the number of humans multiplied, and they created so much fuss that the chief deity could not go to sleep. As En-il could no longer stand the noise, he decided to massacre all humans by ⓒinundating them ⓓin flood water. Fortunately, however, humans were saved because the other deities thwarted Enlil’s plan in advance.

JoongAng Daily 에디터가 수정한 문장
A Sumerian myth tells the story of the dangers of a bad night’s sleep. Enlil, the chief deity, made the gods under him take care of miscellaneous business such as cultivating land. The gods created human beings by mixing clay with their saliva and blood, and let them take over their burden of work. By and by, the number of humans multiplied, and they created so much fuss that the chief deity could not go to sleep. As Enlil could no longer stand the noise, he decided to massacre all humans by drowning them in a flood. Fortunately, however, humans were saved because the other deities thwarted Enlil’s plan in advance.

Writing Tip
ⓐ gods → the gods 가리키는 대상이 정해지지 않은 신들이 아닌 엔릴을 제외한 수하의 신들을 가리키므로 the gods로 수정
ⓑ to take → take 사역동사 ‘make’ 다음에 목적어가 오고 바로 목적보어가 오기 때문에 to 삭제
ⓒ inundating → drowning 비슷한 의미이지만 inundate는 주로 수동형으로 쓰이므로 drownin으로 수정
ⓔ in flood water → in a flood 원래 flood water는 붙여서 floodwater라 하는 것이 바른 표현이며 더 간결한 표현인 a flood로 수정하는 것이 알맞음



잠이 모자라면 집중력과 판단력이 흐려져 사고 위험이 높아지고, 면역 저하로 바이러스에 감염되기 쉽다. 고혈압·당뇨병·간질환의 가능성도 커진다. ‘불면증=죽음을 부르는 병’이 아닐 수 없다. 기나긴 부검 끝에 ‘팝의 황제’ 마이클 잭슨의 사인이 불면증 치료를 위한 약물 과다 투여로 드러났다. 잠 좀 자보려다 영원히 잠들게 된 것이다. 하지만 3일 땅에 묻히는 그가 비로소 안식을 취하게 될진 자신할 수 없다.


내가 한 영작
Sleeplessness increases the chances ⓐto be involved in an accident due to loss of concentration and impaired judgment. It also makes people vulnerable to viral infection and increases the risk of high blood pressure, diabetes and liver disease. Insomnia is a critical disease that can ⓑlead us to death. After a ⓒlong process of autopsy, it is now believed that the cause of Michael Jackson’s death was an overdose of drugs prescribed for insomnia. He ⓓslept the long sleep while he tried to get some shut-eye with the help of drugs. Although his body is going to be buried on Thursday, we cannot be sure whether he will at last enjoy his final rest.

JoongAng Daily 에디터가 수정한 문장
Sleeplessness increases the chances of being involved in an accident due to loss of concentration and impaired judgment. It also makes people vulnerable to viral infection and increases the risk of high blood pressure, diabetes and liver disease. Insomnia is a critical disease that can lead to death. After a protracted autopsy, it is now believed that the cause of Michael Jackson’s death was an overdose of drugs prescribed for insomnia. He fell into the long sleep while he tried to get some shut-eye with the help of drugs. Although his body is going to be buried on Thursday, we cannot be sure whether he will at last enjoy his final rest.

Writing Tip
ⓐ to be involved → of being involved to ~는 일시적 한시적인 표현을 쓸 때쓰고 of ~ing는 계속적인 용법으로 사용되므로 of being involved로 수정
ⓑ lead us to death → lead to death ‘~로 이끌다’라는 표현은 ‘lead to + 명사’이다.‘ lead A to B’는 ‘A로 하여금 ~하게끔 이끌다’란 뜻으로 A 이하로 to 부정사가 와야 하기 때문에 us 생략
ⓒ long process of → protracted 자연스럽고 간결한 표현으로 수정
ⓓ slept → fell into ‘slept the long sleep’이라고 표현하면 동사와 명사가 비슷한 형태가 되는데영어에서는 반복을 기피하므로 fell into the long sleep으로 수정
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