So what did Paltrow mean by ‘conscious uncoupling’?

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So what did Paltrow mean by ‘conscious uncoupling’?

NEW YORK - Like any world unto itself, Hollywood has its own lexicon. But Gwyneth Paltrow’s use of the term “conscious uncoupling” to describe her breakup with Chris Martin this week had even Hollywood veterans scratching their heads.

Of course, there was snark, too. And, on the other hand, some real appreciation for the message and the way it was delivered - in a joint post from the actress and her rock-star husband on Paltrow’s lifestyle website, goop. (Which - surprise! - crashed from the traffic.)

But before we get to that, let’s start with the basics: What the heck does “conscious uncoupling” mean? “I’ve never heard it, but it sounds like a phrase used by marriage therapists in Malibu,” quipped Janice Min, editor of The Hollywood Reporter.

Pretty close, actually. The term was coined by a Los Angeles therapist and author, Katherine Woodward Thomas, who has created a five-step “Conscious Uncoupling” online process - to “release the trauma of a breakup.”

Speaking by telephone Wednesday from Costa Rica, where she traveled to write her second book - called, not surprisingly, “Conscious Uncoupling” - Thomas explained that her goal was “to create a map for a couple to consciously complete a relationship - to have an honorable ending.”

“I’m a fan of marriage, but I recognize that most people in their lives will have two to three longtime relationships - which means one to two breakups. And so we need to learn how to do this better,” she said. Thomas said she doesn’t know Paltrow, but applauded what she called her and Martin’s courage in how they announced the breakup. “They’re modeling this for the world,” she said.

Not surprisingly, though, the reference evoked some snark, in Hollywood and in Britain, where the couple is also based.

“What deluded tosh,” headlined a column in The Guardian, using slang for rubbish, or nonsense.

Others, though, were touched by the message - while noting how expertly it was managed from a public relations standpoint, with the news released late on a Tuesday, after the celebrity weeklies had all closed their issues.

“It was very smart,” said Min, who is also former editor of US Weekly. “By next week, there will be other news, and they probably won’t be on the cover at all.” And that the couple made the statement on Paltrow’s website gave them, of course, message control.

On the other hand, Min said, “I was touched - it really felt sincere. And it gave us more information than you normally get in these situations - revealing they’d been separated for a while. There was a sincerity here that you rarely see.”


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