Final goodbyes prove to be a luxury in age of Covid

Social Affairs

Published: 18 Jan. 2022, 16:38

Final goodbyes prove to be a luxury in age of Covid

The family of a patient who died from Covid-19 bows in the direction of the coffin held by staff at a cremation center in Gyeonggi, Gyeonggi, in December to say their final goodbye. [KOREA FUNERAL ASSOCIATION]

The family of patients who die from Covid-19 oftentimes do not get to say a proper goodbye.

The dying patients are usually quarantined in a room, and the family only gets to see them after they are cremated. Some medical experts say that the family should be able to at least see them, even if through some sort of partition, during their last hours together.

Mr. Choi, 66, of Seocho District, southern Seoul, feels heartbroken whenever he thinks about his brother who passed away due to the virus on Jan. 5 at 70 years old.

Choi's brother got infected in a nursing home in Gangdong Distrct, eastern Seoul, where he had been since September. The family was able to see him, though the nursing home limited visits.

And then the cluster infection began. About 20 residents in the nursing home were infected, including Choi's brother. He was moved to a hospital specializing in treating Covid-19 patients. Visitation was forbidden. The family anxiously waited for Choi to be discharged, but all they ended up with was the notice of his death, 10 days after he was hospitalized. No one was able to be by Choi’s side when he died.

“We had to cremate him without seeing his face one last time,” said Choi. “That I wasn’t able to see my brother one more time is going to haunt me forever.”

Seoul Facilities Corporation’s Funeral Facilities in Goyang, Gyeonggi, is one of the places where the bodies of patients who passed away due to the coronavirus are cremated. The bodies are cremated from 5 p.m., after all the bodies of the deceased from other causes are cremated.

Hearses carry the coffins holding the coronavirus-infected bodies to the facility. The first thing to be done after getting the coffin out of each hearse is to spray each coffin with disinfectant, even though the dead body is sealed airtight. Staff wearing protective gear then move the coffins inside the building.

The families of the Covid-19 patients, already in the building, are not allowed to approach the coffins. The funeral staff calls up the families of the deceased to check the name tag attached to the coffin. The families get two to three minutes to say goodbye to their loved one, from afar. Some bow on the floor toward the coffin and some take photos of it. Two hours later, when the cremation is completed, the family can approach the remnants.

Soon after Korea began experiencing the spread of Covid-19 within its borders, the government, based on its prevention measures for the infection, kept the stance of “cremation first, funeral later.” Families of over 6,000 deceased over the past two years were not able to hold a proper funeral. Although funeral guidelines for Covid-19 patients were updated in February, enabling the family of the patient to stay with them during their last hours while wearing protective gear, many hospitals were slow to address this change.

Staff wearing protective gear move coffins holding bodies of people who passed away due to Covid-19 at a cremation center in Gyeonggi in December. [KOREA FUNERAL ASSOCIATION]

An office worker, 33, who caught the virus at work, transmitted the virus to both of parents, and the 63-year-old father passed away in December. The worker wasn't allowed to see the father for the month after he was put into an intensive care unit, until his death. All the father ever got was videos sent by his family, shown to him by nurses at the hospital.

“When I got infected, my father said everything would be okay because he and my mother are healthy and he was trying to make me feel better,” the 33-year-old recalled. “I had no idea that would be the last time I saw him.”

The father died alone surrounded by just the medical equipment, the 33-year-old said.

Mr. Lee, 47, who lost his 92-year-old grandmother-in-law due to the pandemic on Jan. 6, on the other hand, said his family was able to take advantage of the changed visitation guidelines. One family member was able to visit the grandmother. Lee's father-in-law would put on all the protective gear and meet with his mother. But the family still missed her last moments as she passed away early in the morning. The hospital allowed one family member of each Covid-19 patient to come in and watch their last moments through a screen.

“I understand the worries over the spread of the infection and the work all the medical team does, but [I wish] we were given time to see the face of the deceased [even after their passing away],” said Lee.

One hospital staff member noted that it isn’t easy to spare negative pressure rooms to allow families to say their final goodbyes, but doing so for the family of the deceased of other causes in a regular room should be relatively easy.

Another official at a hospital specializing in Covid-19 care said the government should give more specific guidelines.

“There is no specific rule on the number of people we can allow for visits,” said the official, adding that their hospital is reviewing allowing up to two family members to watch the CCTV footage of the patient on a screen at the hospital instead of just one, as some other facilities are already doing so. “We hope the government sets up more detailed guidelines based on its scientific research.”

Medical experts point out that funeral instructions need to be updated to protect the basic rights of the deceased and their family as the pandemic continues. Prof. Kim Woo-joo of Korea University Guro Hospital said more family members should be able to stay beside dying patients during their last moments.

“The government has focused on what’s administratively convenient, and it has been turning the blame over to the hospitals,” Kim said. “It wouldn’t be difficult to find scientific grounds, yet the same restrictions have been applied for over two years,” said Prof. Chun Byung-chul of Korea University’s College of Medicine, adding that there is a low possibility of getting infected from the deceased, so long as there is no physical touch.

“The government should not neglect [anyone] and it should make adjustments for the families of the deceased due to the pandemic.”

Professor Eom Joong-sik of Gachon University Gil Medical Center agreed with making some adjustments, but argued that some restrictions might still be necessary for the families with members who are at high risk of infection.

BY YI WOO-LIM, EO HWANHEE [kjdnational@joongang.co.kr]