'As long as parents know the basics, they can raise children more easily.'

Social Affairs

Published: 03 Dec. 2023, 16:17 Updated: 03 Dec. 2023, 17:38

'As long as parents know the basics, they can raise children more easily.'

Ha Jeong-hun, the author of the best-selling book “Beep-Boop, Beep-Boop 119 Pediatrics,” poses in front of his pediatric clinic. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

Ha Jeong-hun, the author of the bestselling parenting book, “Beep-Boop, Beep-Boop 119 Pediatrics,” focuses on parents rather than children regarding child rearing.

A pediatrist, Ha challenged celebrity psychiatrist Oh Eun-young’s child-oriented approach to parenting, or “solution-parenting.”

Oh gained nationwide popularity after appearing on the TV program, “My Golden Kids” (2020). She emphasizes that parents should have more empathy for their children. Some parents even regard her advice as gospel.

In contrast, Ha advised that it is better to raise children without putting much effort into it unless the children are atypical.

“Parents should let their children grow up and become fused into the family’s everyday experiences. There is no need to put extra effort into providing special experiences tailored to their expectations,” Ha said during an exclusive interview with JoongAng Ilbo on Oct. 5 at his pediatric clinic in Seoul.

Q. What's wrong with solution-parenting?

Solution-parenting is not a problem itself. It only works for children with psychological development problems. The problem is that a vast number of parents have turned to solution-parenting. Parents should not generally use this method and treat it as a panacea. Thus, it must be used with discretion.

It would be wiser if the TV program inserted the warning, "Do not use this approach with ordinary children."

Q. Parents apparently depend on TV programs like “My Golden Kids” because they lack knowledge of raising ordinary children. What do you think?

This type of program gives the impression that parenting is tough. They subtly manipulate people’s mindsets. The Presidential Committee on Aging Society and Population Policy criticized the program in October. The committee noted that such programs do not help boost low birthrates.

As long as they know the basics, parents can raise children much more easily.

Ha Jeong-hun shares his thoughts and advice on parenting during the interview with JoongAng Ilbo. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

Q. What are the basics of parenting?

It is building the framework of the family. Parents should properly establish parental authority and set rules and boundaries for their children. Children must know where the lines are drawn.

If parents do this correctly, parenting won't be so difficult. I don’t mean that parenting is easy, but in reality, joyful and pleasant moments far outweigh the difficulties coming from parenting.

People are whining about the difficulty of parenting even when parents, grandparents from both sides and even domestic workers are investing themselves to raise a single child. This social atmosphere is totally wrong and getting worse.

Q. Why does establishing parental authority matter?

Raising a child is equal to nurturing a member of our society. Without parental authority at home, children won't listen. Such children won't listen to preschool or schoolteachers, either.

When they become adults, they will likely become social misfits, too.

Pediatrist Ha Jeong-hun sits on a chair for children. [JOONGANG PHOTO]

Q. Then, how can parents establish their authority?

Parents do not need to fulfill 100 percent of their children’s wishes and needs. It is totally fine to be a bit insufficient with them. From now on, the focus of life should be on parents, not children.

Once parental authority sets in, parenting becomes a lot easier. Just decide the rules and boundaries to teach children acceptable behavior. Words are not enough to make discipline effective. Parenting is a process where children learn and internalize the rules and values within the boundaries.

Q. What kind of specific actions should the parents take?

The key is for parents to live ordinary lives and moments happily.

Nowadays, couples talk less as they are preoccupied with their children. This pattern explicitly shows that parents’ lifestyles revolve around their children.

After work, couples should have dinner with their children and share their daily experiences, such as funny things at the workplace or TV drama series they recently watched. These moments help establish parental authority. Importantly, it also helps children’s language development. Inviting friends’ families and relatives to the home is the best way to simultaneously promote children’s social and language development.

[Ha says the most crucial time is the first two years of a child's life.]

If parents fail to take basic disciplinary actions by then, the rest of the parenting journey could get bumpy. When the child becomes older than two, getting into good habits can be much more difficult.

Q. Why the age of two?

Developing habits before turning two allows the human brain to develop accordingly. Humans are born with only one-third of the complete neural network, meaning two-thirds develop while growing up. The connection of neurons, also known as synapses, forms when the child is exposed to various sounds, tastes, smells and visual stimuli.

Parenting [including disciplinary action] before the child turns two facilitates the growth of synapses. Though some discourage disciplinary action before the child reaches two, their words do not apply to ordinary, healthy children. Parents should clearly and decisively tell their children what they can and cannot do.

BY JEON MIN-HEE, LEE SOO-JUNG [lee.soojung1@joongang.co.kr]