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Korean parents increasingly cross boundaries in grown-up children's work life

Published: 03 Dec. 2024, 19:29

Graphic image depicting ″Helicopter parenting″ [GETTY IMAGES]

More and more Korean parents are increasingly interfering in their grown-up children’s work lives, a phenomenon referred to as "overparenting."

Park Yoo-jin, a 46-year-old department head at a domestic securities firm, recently received a surprising phone call from the mother of a new employee.

“My child finds customer service difficult and feels burdened by performance targets,” said the mother. “Could you transfer them to a different department?”

Initially, Park suspected it might be a phishing scam and ended the call. However, when the mother called back, Park realized the request was genuine and was taken aback.

In another event earlier this year, Park Seo-hyung, a 41-year-old manager in the HR department of a major domestic retail company, received a lengthy letter from the father of an employee. The four-page letter implored the company to prevent the man’s son from resigning, as the employee planned to study abroad. The father also asked if his son’s decision to quit was due to workplace mistreatment.

Overparenting involves parents in matters such as their children’s vacation schedules, salary negotiations and department placements. In some cases, they even contact supervisors or HR departments directly to address issues on behalf of their children, who prefer to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

This behavior is viewed as an extension of "helicopter parenting"—a term coined in the 1990s to describe parents who hover over their kids—to the workplaces of their now-adult offspring.

This trend has left companies hiring Gen Z employees at a loss.

Anecdotes of HR professionals [JOONGANG ILBO]

A survey recently conducted by the JoongAng Ilbo, an affiliate of Korea JoongAng Daily, targeting HR staff at Korea’s top 100 companies found that 14 out of 40 respondents reported being contacted by an employee’s family member. Among these, mothers were the most frequent callers, accounting for 11 cases, while fathers accounted for one. The inquiries varied widely, including department transfers, pay and bonuses, leave policies and dress codes.

“The father of an employee called to request urgent approval for a half-day leave, explaining that his son had forgotten to apply for it to attend a family memorial ceremony in the countryside,” said one team leader working at an IT company.

“The parent of a rejected applicant demanded to know why their child was not hired despite what they thought were ‘outstanding’ qualifications,” said an HR recruiter at another conglomerate.

Another department head at a financial firm said, “I received a call from an employee’s family asking to rearrange the vacation schedule because they forgot to submit their plans due to a family trip.”

On an open KakaoTalk chat room with approximately 580 HR professionals, similar stories frequently surface.

“The parents of a new hire who resigned without notice contacted me,” read one anecdote. “They said their child didn’t understand how things worked, and they asked me if I could take them back in.”

Another shared that a father had drafted their child’s resignation letter. At an accounting firm, a team leader received a complaint from the parents of a junior accountant, saying, “How can they keep working overtime like this when they need to attend classes after work?”

Parents who agree with the following values [JOONGANG ILBO]

In some instances, parents even raised their grievances to the National Labor Relations Commission.

“Why isn’t my child given break times?" asked the mother of a 25-year-old nurse in her second year at a major hospital in Seoul in December 2022. "They can’t even eat properly while working.”

The mother of the nurse threatened to file a workplace harassment complaint. Shortly thereafter, an investigator from the commission visited the hospital. The investigation confirmed that the hospital had provided break times, and the complaint was eventually withdrawn by the mother.

“Parental complaints escalating to reports to labor authorities occur about once a year,” noted a hospital representative.

Parental interference is especially pronounced during the hiring process, resembling their involvement in college admissions. Parents frequently inquire about job postings and even attend recruitment briefings on behalf of their children.

“During the Covid-19 pandemic, we hosted a virtual recruitment session in the metaverse, and I received dozens of calls from parents asking how to access it,” said an HR representative at a domestic retail giant.

A recruitment banner for new employees is displayed at a university in Seoul this June. [YONHAP]

A representative from a recruitment agency said, “It’s now common during public hiring rounds for parents to accompany their children to interviews, sometimes even trying to enter waiting rooms or asking how long the process will take.”

This phenomenon highlights the prevalence of so-called kangaroo adults, who remain dependent on their parents for significant life decisions, from employment to marriage and even daily matters. Experts attribute this to a combination of social and psychological factors.

“Socially, declining birthrates have concentrated parental attention on fewer children, while prolonged economic stagnation has resulted in the first generation of children with less financial stability than their parents,” said Heo Min-sook, a researcher at the National Assembly Research Service.

“As a result, parental care for grown-up children has become a cultural norm.”

“Parents who lack trust or feel anxious about their children tend to overly interfere in their lives,” said Chung Chan-seung, director of the social responsibility committee of the Korean Neuropsychiatric Association.

“Children accustomed to such excessive care grow up relying on their parents to resolve problems, leading to psychologically immature adults who expect their parents to handle uncomfortable issues, even within their workplace.”

BY LEE BO-RAM, LEE CHAN-KYU, KIM SEO-WON, KIM MIN-YOUNG [[email protected]]