[Student Voices] Changing My Tune
Published: 16 Dec. 2024, 11:12
Dahyun Hwang, Cheongwon Elementary School
by Dahyun Hwang, Cheongwon Elementary School
A few years ago, I changed schools in the middle of the school year, when everybody already had friends. This made it hard for me to make new friends. I felt alienated. To get more attention, I tried to force my way into conversations by making jokes about my classmates. One time I made a joke about my classmate’s weight. Another time I made a joke about my classmate’s clothes. I thought it would be “funny.” Eventually, I realized that the reason I was alienated was not because I was the new kid in school, but because I was too negative. I decided to change the way I communicate with people.
One mistake I made was bragging. Nobody likes a bragger. I once did something called “humblebragging” when I got an A- and acted like it was a bad score. I said, “Oh no, my parents are going to be mad at me for not getting an A+!” Humblebragging is when you pretend to complain about something and criticize yourself, but really you’re just trying to show how great you are. I guess at the time I thought it would get me respect. However, it had the opposite effect. It made me wonder: How can I get respect from people?
I used to constantly say to one of my classmates, whether he was shooting a basketball or doing a math problem, “You’re doing it wrong, let ME do it.” I thought this would get people to respect me. But I learned that the way to earn respect is to show respect to others. If your classmate makes a great play on the soccer field, you can say, “You’re really good at soccer.” If your classmate gets a good score on a test, you can say, “Oh, you did better than me. Nice job.” Respect is one of the most important things in a relationship. Giving respect means acknowledging someone’s positive qualities, not focusing on the negative.
When communicating with people, you need to think about how your words will make them feel. This is called empathy. One way to develop empathy is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Before you say something, imagine how it would feel if someone said those words to you. Not long ago, I came upon my friend with his nose in a book and almost said, “You’re such a bookworm—don’t you do anything else?” But I caught myself. I realized how much those words would hurt. Instead, I said, “You read more books than anyone I know.”
Now, I have a number of close friends that I can rely on. My communication skills have improved and we have a lot of fun together, but sometimes I still make mistakes. Nobody is really perfect—I’m not, you’re not, and your friends are not. We just try to get better and better until we are better than we used to be. That’s what I’m going to keep doing.
with the Korea JoongAng Daily
To write comments, please log in to one of the accounts.
Standards Board Policy (0/250자)