[Student Voices] Into the Dark Hole

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[Student Voices] Into the Dark Hole

Jiho Sim, Chadwick International

Jiho Sim, Chadwick International

 
by Jiho Sim, Chadwick International 
 
It was a meter, maybe two, away from the hole. Tears decorated my face even after I wiped it with a paper towel given by reassuring fellow golfers. Two holes before, I had made an unacceptable mistake: a six putt. It continued a hole after that, where I hit a five putt. My grip trembled, and the ball kept slipping away from the cup. After the game, I lay in bed wondering what was wrong with me, overwhelmed with stress concerning the second and last day of the tournament.
 
We’ve all been in situations like this: Getting last place on a test, flunking a college interview, running a failing business. The first time, we tell ourselves: It’s okay, I’ll do better next time, I did my best. But when it happens a second, third, and fourth time, and until we can’t count, we drag ourselves into a hole full of darkness and misery.  
 
Inside the hole, we find petty excuses. There was rain, the balls were defective, the grass was heavy and damp, I had a weird putter, my bulky coat ruined everything. This creates a false confidence that masks the real problem.  
 
It’s easy to hide behind this mask and think that our problems are external. Every problem is the result of some other person’s actions, we convince ourselves. An observer distracted me with mindless chatter, another golfer’s shot was a bad influence, my coach made me use the wrong grip.
 
But something deep inside of us shouts out, “It’s all your fault! You are to blame for your actions!” Eventually, waves of negativity break through the mask. You will never do well, you will wreck the tournament, your mom and dad will be ashamed of your score, golf’s not right for you, you will never be like the talented golfers.
 
We need to accept that success only comes after hundreds of failures. Steve Jobs was fired from Apple. Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team. Vincent Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime. But they are now hailed as some of the most successful people ever. A study by Dashun Wang and Northwestern University discovered, by analyzing data of grant applications, venture capital startup investments, and terrorist attacks, that everyone who succeeds always fails at the start. They are the ones who tossed the mask aside and learned from their mistakes. There’s the key word: Learned.
 
The day after that terrible golf game, I was back on the course. My second shot of the day flopped to the right, and petty excuses pelted my brain. The grass was too hard, there was too much wind . . . But I resisted. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and carried on.  
 
Later, after some bad shots and missed putts, I became aware of the blaming that was bouncing around in my head. My coach gave me too little guidance, my dad critiqued me too much . . . But I realized that I had to take responsibility for my shots. It was my game, not theirs.  
 
As the last putt arrived, I was consumed with self-doubt. The voice in my head shouted “You can’t do it!” over and over again. My grip trembled, just like the day before. But I steadied my hands. I found peace within myself. It’s okay. I can make it. And, inside, I was ready.
 
Failure is an opportunity to analyze what went wrong and make improvements. To find success, we need to take failure and tweak it. In my case, sand bunkers were overcome by practice in the sand. Putter mistakes were conquered by a smoother stroke. Golfing in the rain was vanquished by a stronger grip.
 
Twenty-four hours after that terrible first day, I pumped my fist in success. I had done it—my best score in a golf competition. As the last putt of the day dropped with a clatter into the hole, I knew I had taken the darkness and the misery and made it bright.  
 
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