Values take priority in dating for Koreans, and rising polarization cleaves new crevasse

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Values take priority in dating for Koreans, and rising polarization cleaves new crevasse

Published: 27 May. 2025, 07:00 Updated: 27 May. 2025, 10:47

LEE JIAN
[email protected]

Audio report: written by reporters, read by AI

A couple is reading books [GETTY IMAGES BANK]

A 26-year-old office worker surnamed Na met her current boyfriend on an app in April, but they didn’t swipe right on each other’s looks; instead, it was based solely on their shared love of philosophical romance fiction.

“He sent me a message after reading my review of ‘On Love’ [1993] by Alain de Botton,” Na said.

Her one-liner for the book was: “Because love is trust.”

Na then went to his profile to view his selection of books, which consisted of essays and self-help books. “I could tell he had a serious attitude about life and values that I shared, so I messaged him back."

They began a conversation about books. After a few weeks, they met in person and started dating.

Sharing the same beliefs, ethics and values “makes relationships easier,” said Na. “I would never have expected to connect with someone so quickly and deeply on an app.”

Called BookBLA, the local dating platform matches people based on their reading preferences. Rather than headshots, users must pick at least one text they’ve read to display on their page and write short reviews instead of self-introductions. Their profile picture remains blurred until the user begins chatting with someone.

It has amassed some 6,000 users since its launch last October.

In a country that tends to be less shy about prioritizing wealth, social status and physical appearance in romantic relationships, BookBLA users represent a growing group of locals seeking more meaningful connections that place greater emphasis on personal values, beliefs and ethics than in the past.

While this shift away from superficiality is refreshing, the increasingly strong value-driven mindset is also contributing to new social divisions exacerbated by Korea’s toxic political climate.

A screen capture of the new local dating app BookBLA. The platform allows users to choose their favorite books to display on their profiles and write short reviews for others to read and connect with them should they find it intriguing [BOOKBLA]

From status to substance: A shift in the local dating scene

Over the past decade, several popular local dating apps have gained traction by targeting a specific demographic of users with a certain level of education and professional background. For instance, Sky People, which launched in 2015 and today has around 500,000 users, markets itself as a "premium dating app" that requires users to verify their status with documents like employment certificates, professional licenses or diplomas, and only those who meet its criteria are granted access.

Gold Spoon, launched in 2018, is a dating app that requires users to verify their financial standing to gain membership. Eligibility can be demonstrated in various ways, such as owning a supercar valued at more than 150 million won, residing in Seoul’s upscale Gangnam District or a luxury apartment worth over 2 billion won, holding a prestigious profession like doctor, lawyer or high-ranking civil servant, leading a company with annual revenue above 5 billion won, earning over 100 million won annually, having personal assets exceeding 500 million won or coming from a wealthy family background.

But in a recent survey by matchmaking company Duo published last month, the most important criteria for selecting a romantic partner for both men and women were “personality and values,” with 72 percent of participants choosing the option. This was followed by “appearance” at 13 percent, “family background” at 3 percent, “sense of humor” at 3 percent and “financial status” at 2 percent.

“These days, single men and women are increasingly citing nonmaterial factors like values as top priorities when selecting a spouse now,” said a representative from Duo. “We’ve moved away from an era where people got married due to social pressure and standards, and entered a time when individuals actively choose a partner who meets their personal needs.”

This growing social craving led Koh Do-hyeon, founder and CEO of BookBLA, to create the new dating app that is quickly taking off among young locals.

“It is getting harder and harder to meet people with whom we are compatible, largely because of digital algorithms,” he told the Korea JoongAng Daily via email.

“In the past, people all consumed the same content and were able to talk and share their different opinions. But now, individual preferences have become so diverse that we have no idea what the person next to me likes, and it is hard to find someone with similar interests. BookBLA essentially strives to connect people who can talk and sympathize with each other in this hyper-individualistic world filled with endless choices and preferences.”

Another BookBLA user, Song Ji-yeon, 23, said that she’s been on other dating apps before, but BookBLA’s premise that it connects people through values versus looks resonated with her.

“With dating apps in the past, the reality was that even if you clicked with someone, it was really hard to start a real relationship. On BookBLA, I feel like I could more organically learn who the person was, genuinely, and we could more easily build trust to advance the relationship,” she said.

A double-edged sword: Is ideological rigidity affecting personal relationships?

A man and a woman are on their phones [JOONGANG ILBO]

But as shared values take center stage in dating, the very notion of what those values are is becoming more complex, especially as politics increasingly enters the equation.

Today, political and ideological beliefs not only influence public discourse but also private, romantic choices.

A report by the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs in February found that in 2023, over half of all Koreans were not interested in dating or marrying someone with different political beliefs. Thirty-three percent said they would not go drinking with people of opposite political views.

Over 90 percent of the report’s total sample of 3,950 adults also answered that politics was the biggest divider of society. This is a 5.3 percentage point increase from when the same study asked the question in 2018.

“I don’t think that I can comfortably have an honest conversation with a conservative because we would clash on so many fundamental issues,” said a 30-year-old surnamed Lee who identified as a liberal.

Sociology Prof. Kim Joong-baeck of Kyung Hee University said that society’s emphasis on personal values and beliefs has taken on a bigger meaning as they’ve become increasingly politicized over the past decade. Ex-President Yoon Suk Yeol’s martial law declaration and his subsequent impeachment in December last year were the deciding factors that divided the country.

“These days, we’re seeing a growing number of people highly engaged in politics. In a way, we live in an era of political overexposure, especially after the impeachment. Political polarization has deepened, and as that’s happened, people have started attaching more meaning to politics than in the past.”

Ex-president Yoon Suk Yeol declares martial law on Dec. 3, 2024, at the presidential office in Yongsan District, central Seoul [YONHAP]

But in reality, there aren’t that many people who hold extremely biased or radical views. “Because the media so frequently highlights these extreme cases, we often find ourselves wondering: 'What if the person I meet turns out to be one of them?’ Even though the chances are slim, media coverage makes people more anxious and cautious.”

What we’re losing in modern society, continued Kim, is “an open mind.” “Ironically, despite all the talk about diversity, we’re actually seeing less of it as polarization intensifies and communication breaks down.

“Ideally, leadership — especially in politics — should work to bridge the gap, to bring people together. We would pursue policies that prioritize harmony over division — ones that aim to include others rather than provoke them,” he said.

Liberals and conservatives hold protests in front of the presidential office in Yongsan District, central Seoul, after the now-ex-President Yoon Suk Yeol declared martial law on Dec. 25, 2024.[YONHAP]

On the ground level, the challenge of modern society may not be finding people who think alike, but learning to stay open to those who don’t.

BookBLA user Song met her current boyfriend through their shared interest in nonfiction, particularly in the ups and downs of capitalism, but she still uses the app to meet more avid readers, hear their opinions and share hers.

“I’m curious and want to hear other people's thoughts, but there just aren’t many places and platforms today where I can do that.”

BY LEE JIAN [[email protected]]