Home > >

[WHY] From 'oppa' to 'ajumma': The dos and don'ts of addressing people in Korean

Published: 21 Jun. 2025, 07:00 Updated: 01 Jul. 2025, 13:41

SHIN MIN-HEE
[email protected]

Oppa, the word used by women and girls to refer to older men and boys, is also considered a term of endearment that sometimes emphasizes aegyo, or cuteness, as shown in this scene in JTBC's drama series ″Be Melodramatic″ (2019). [SCREEN CAPTURE]

It’s official: North Korean leader Kim Jong-un disapproves of oppa, the word used by women and girls to refer to an older man or boy. He’s already called it “perverted” before, but he is going as far as forbidding North Koreans from using the word on their smartphones.

The development surfaced in a recent BBC report that our northern neighbor is blocking people from using certain South Korean terms via a surveillance software installed on their smartphones.

When typing in the word "oppa" on a North Korean smartphone smuggled across the border, it automatically changed the word to dongji, meaning “comrade,” along with a warning that the other word is only allowed to be used to describe siblings.

It’s ironic, considering that Kim has a younger — and quite powerful — sister, Kim Yo-jong. Why would he take issue with the word when he is technically an oppa himself?

The word is actually not just used to refer to your older brother, but it’s also a term of affection and endearment. International fans of K-pop and K-dramas have specifically used "oppa" to refer to their favorite male celebrities, regardless of age.

"Oppa" was even added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2021, extending its definition to “An attractive South Korean man, especially a famous or popular actor or singer.”

One might ask if the oppa ban reflects Kim Jong-un’s bruised ego over not enjoying the same heartthrob status as Cha Eun-woo or Park Bo-gum.

South Korea has an overwhelmingly developed system when it comes to address terms; it’s possible to put a different label on everyone you can think of.

When typing in the word oppa, or the address term used by women and girls to refer to older men and boys, in a North Korean smartphone obtained by the BBC, it automatically changed the word to dongji, meaning “comrade,” along with a warning that the word is only allowed to be used to describe siblings. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

If the English language uses the single term “uncle” for your parents’ brother, the Korean language has several. Your father’s brother — samchon — is distinguished from your mother’s brother — oesamchon. But wait: "Samchon" changes again if your father’s brother gets married — if he is the elder sibling, he becomes a keunabeoji, meaning “big father,” or jageunabeoji, “little father,” if he is younger.

So many address terms to remember in South Korea, but to make matters worse, societal cues have altered the acceptability of each term, despite their literal definitions, sometimes resulting in confusion or even violent altercations.

What other common terms defy their original meanings, and which ones should you avoid using? And ultimately, what is the appropriate way to call each other in the Korean language?

A scene from the film ″Ajoomma″ (2022), which follows the life of a Singaporean ajumma (middle-aged woman) who travels to Korea for the first time in her life. [SIDUS PICTURES]

Ajumma, she-who-must-not-be-named?

What follows is critical to keep in mind: Whatever you do, never call a middle-aged woman "ajumma."

It doesn’t matter if she is 45 or even 70; "ajumma" is considered a pejorative. The term is distinctive from "ma’am," which is generally considered a polite form to address a woman regardless of age, unlike the heavy emphasis on age with "ajumma."

Last year, a 64-year-old woman was sentenced to 12 months in prison after throwing a soju bottle and glass at a 48-year-old man, which resulted in a facial injury.

The woman reportedly told police during the investigation that she was “angry” at the man for calling her "ajumma."

It’s not the first time an assault incident occurred due to aversion toward the word. In 2023, a 35-year-old woman was sentenced to eight years in prison on charges of swinging a sashimi knife at three passengers on the subway after one called her "ajumma" and asked her to lower the volume on her phone.

“It’s true that women our age are not fond of that word,” said a 48-year-old woman surnamed Lee who lives in Incheon. “I think the term 'ajumma' feels like a dismissive way of referring to middle-aged women; especially when older men use it to talk down to women.”

Yakult, the company that makes the country’s beloved fermented dairy drink, also took steps to erase any association with the word. Its couriers, typically women in uniform who ride around in delivery carts, were rebranded as "Fresh Manager" in 2019, bidding farewell to the formerly nostalgic "Yakult Ajumma" title that had been used for nearly half a century.

The ″Yakult Ajumma″ couriers, typically middle-aged women in uniform who ride around in delivery carts, were rebranded as ″Fresh Managers″ in 2019. [YAKULT]

What’s wrong with 'ajumma'?

The easy answer has to do with the marriage rate in South Korea.

Until the 1990s, "ajumma" was perceived as a term that classified married women, with the average age of a woman when she first got married being between 24 and 26 in the ‘90s, according to data by the Korea Statistical Information Service. Over the next three decades, the number rose to 29.28 in 2000, 31.84 in 2010 and 33.23 in 2020.

The crude marriage rate also ranged from nine to 10 marriages per 1,000 people from the 1970s to 1990s, but fell to seven in 2000 and 4.2 in 2020.

Throughout the years, fewer women got married, and even if they did, they did so at a later age. Predictably, society became reluctant to use the term "ajumma."

Additionally, in recent decades, the word has become a derogatory stereotype targeting middle-aged women as obnoxious and irrational beings — which in turn, is widely interpreted as an insult that they are old.

A gym in Incheon in 2024 posted this sign that read: ″No ajumma allowed,″ banning middle-aged woman from entering. The owner of the gym claimed at the time that the facility had been having problems with female members of that specific age group. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

At least, that was the case for one gym in Incheon last year, which stirred up controversy online after reportedly putting up a sign that read in Korean: “No ajumma allowed.”

Below that text read, “Only well-mannered and elegant ladies are allowed to enter.”

The sign, which was posted by the gym’s owner, proceeded to define an ajumma by listing eight items, which included, “If you like freebies regardless of your age,” “If you sit in the pregnancy priority seat when using public transportation,” “If you secretly throw food waste away in public restrooms or the toilet” and “If you repeat the same thing over and over because you have memory loss and lack of judgment.”

The owner of the gym reportedly said at the time that the facility had been having problems with female members of that specific age group, saying that the sign was merely a “warning.”

“They would do their laundry for one to two hours in the locker room and steal the gym towels and other equipment,” the owner told Yonhap News TV. “We’ve even had someone defecate in the locker room as well.”

He never did apologize for the sign, or for the ajumma hate.

A scene from the film ″The Handmaiden″ (2016), starring actor Kim Min-hee, right, who plays an agassi (young, unmarried woman) in a noble family in the 1930s [CJ ENM]

Then what about 'agassi'?

"Agassi" isn’t a preferred term either. Historically, it was an honorific used to refer to young, single women, especially the unmarried daughters of noble families during the Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910) and throughout Japan’s colonial rule (1910-45). Actor Kim Min-hee’s character in the film “The Handmaiden” (2016), the title of which in Korean is literally "Agassi," is a prime example.

But over the years, the meaning of "agassi" also expanded to mean female workers in illegal adult entertainment establishments.

One online user questioned its use in August 2022 via a post on online community platform Instiz, after their father called after a young server in a restaurant, saying, “Agassi, please take our order.”

The post said that the server, who appeared to be in her 20s, became visibly upset and told him not to call her "agassi."

“'Agassi' is an honorific,” the post read. “Why is it offensive to call a young woman 'agassi'?”

In another online post from 2017, a user who introduced himself as a firefighter said that a victim exploded with anger when he called her "agassi" at the scene of a fire.

“Do I look like a prostitute to you?” the victim allegedly yelled at the firefighter. “Why are you calling me 'agassi'? I’ll report you and make sure to destroy you.”

A September 2023 survey by Gapjil 119, a civic group that advocates for workplace rights, found that women were far more likely to be addressed unprofessionally in the workplace than men. It’s generally considered the norm in South Korean society to call co-workers by their job titles, like "manager."

Among 1,000 respondents, 55.9 percent of women answered that they had experienced being referred to as "ajumma" or "agassi," as opposed to 12.4 percent of men being referred to in a manner perceived to be derogatory.

The number was also shown to be high among nonregular female workers at 60.3 percent and workers with lower wages.

A scene from the film ″The Man From Nowhere″ (2010), in which actor Won Bin's character is referred to as an ajeossi (middle-aged man), who is firmly dedicated to protecting a young girl. [CJ ENM]

How do men feel about 'ajeossi'?

In South Korea, it’s only natural that most men in their 20s or 30s are called "ajeossi," or "middle-aged man," at least at one point in their lives: during the Army.

All able-bodied men are required to complete mandatory military service for nearly two years. Most serve in their early to mid-20s. During this period, soldiers in different units typically address each other as "ajeossi," especially when they do not have a formal senior and junior relationship as per military jargon.

It explains the well-known joke in South Korea that “every guy transitions to an ajeossi after the Army.”

“I don’t mind being called 'ajeossi,'” Choi Min-seong, a 28-year-old living in Ansan, Gyeonggi, said, recalling his days in the military in his early 20s. “But I do think I might be insulted if the nuance was negative since the term itself is not considered an honorific.”

Ajeossi have been portrayed in a relatively positive manner in the media as well. Major examples include actors So Ji-sub in the KBS romance series “I’m Sorry, I Love You” (2004), Won Bin in the neo-noir action film “The Man from Nowhere” (2010), Gong Yoo in the tvN fantasy romance series “Guardian: The Lonely and Great God” (2016-17) and Lee Sun-kyun in the tvN drama series "My Mister" (2018), the title of which in Korean is literally "My Ajeossi." Their characters, commonly depicted as tall, handsome figures with emotional baggage and a firm dedication to protecting those around them, were all referred to by the female protagonists as "ajeossi."

A scene from the KBS romance drama series ″I'm Sorry, I Love You″ (2004), starring actor So Ji-sub, shown here, whose character is referred to by his love interest as ajeossi, or middle-aged man [KBS]

Such representation is a stark contrast from ajumma in the media, stigmatized by their permed hair, colorful clothing and aggressive, gossipy nature. Think of actor Lee Il-hwa’s role as the housewife and mother in all three seasons of tvN’s “Reply” (2012-16) television series franchise.

But there are always exceptions. Variations of "ajeossi" as mockery have emerged in recent years, most notably when former ADOR CEO Min Hee-jin last year infamously called out male executives in the K-pop industry, particularly HYBE founder Bang Si-hyuk,as gaejeossi: a portmanteau of gae — Korean for "dog," a universal insult — and "ajeossi."

A scene from the tvN drama series ″Reply 1988″ (2015), starring actor Lee Il-hwa, left, who plays a housewife and mother and is portrayed as an ajumma (middle-aged woman) [TVN]

A scene from the tvN drama series ″My Mister″ (2018), starring actor Lee Sun-kyun, left, whose character is referred to by a young female employee, played by IU, right, as ajeossi, or middle-aged man [TVN]

Why are South Koreans so sensitive about address terms?

The terms in South Korea, particularly the aforementioned ones, tend to only define the counterpart solely by their age and sex, ruling out all social status. And it appears that South Koreans are not in favor of that idea, deeming it “disrespectful.”

Shin Ji-young, a linguist and professor at Korea University’s Korean Language and Literature, explained that the terms are unable to mirror the wide diversity of social relationships in today’s world.

“An address term is essentially a verbal confession of how I perceive the other person,” Prof. Shin told the Korea JoongAng Daily. “If I call you 'gijanim,'" the Korean word for reporter with the honorific suffix "nim" attached, "that means I see you as a reporter. But if I call you 'ajumma,' I see you as a middle-aged woman. Many would feel that it’s reducing you to just your age and sex, particularly in a professional setting.”

Then why is it okay for other cultures, such as English-speaking nations, to use terms like “sir,” “ma’am,” “mister” or “missus”?

Such cultures already have a consensus that it’s O.K. to refer to other people in the second person, reducing the need for a variety of address terms.

On the other hand, it’s considered rude in South Korean society to use “you” in a conversation. The Korean equivalent of “you” is only used in certain contexts, like among close friends or an older person to a younger person.

That’s also the reason the Korean language developed an intricate system of honorifics and terms to address people, as a means to replace the use of “you,” Prof. Shin explained.

A scene from the tvN fanatsy romance series ″Guardian: The Lonely and Great God″ (2016-17), starring actor Gong Yoo, shown here, whose character is referred to by his love interest as ajeossi, or middle-aged man [TVN]

So, what exactly should you call strangers in South Korea?

The best answer to this question would be "jeogiyo" and "yeogiyo," which literally mean "there" or "hey there" and "here," respectively, but are used to mean “excuse me.”

A survey by job searching website Alba Cheonguk in October 2022 found that most service workers preferred to be called over using "jeogiyo" or "yeogiyo," at 36.3 percent among a total of 1,652 MZ-generation respondents who were working part-time jobs.

The National Institute of Korean Language found in a separate survey in January that most people aged 15 to 39 opt to call young female salespeople using "jeogiyo" and "yeogiyo."

“This appears to reflect a social atmosphere in which the younger generation prefers to use neutral expressions that are not constrained by age or sex in their everyday conversations,” the institute explained.

"'Jeogiyo' and 'yeogiyo' do not reveal the social relationship as opposed to other terms like 'agassi,' which is why they tend to be easily used among both customers and service workers.”

The Alba Cheonguk survey found that the next in line was "sajangnim," or “owner,” at 22.3 percent — a term commonly used to refer to all staff, not just the actual owner — and "seonsaengnim," or “teacher,” at 11.7 percent. Prof. Shin advised that both terms are suitable to use when you are unaware of the counterpart’s social status.

“I like 'imonim,'” said the 48-year-old Lee, referring to the Korean word for "auntie."

“It’s more endearing than 'ajumma.'”

BY SHIN MIN-HEE [[email protected]]