How Korea's 'Young 40s' men dress wrong, try too hard, misread women

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How Korea's 'Young 40s' men dress wrong, try too hard, misread women

Published: 03 Nov. 2025, 17:21 Updated: 03 Nov. 2025, 22:35

Audio report: written by reporters, read by AI

Office workers in Yeouido, western Seoul, drink iced coffees on June 9 in this file photo unrelated to the story. [YONHAP]

“Do you think your appearance, clothing and mindset are younger than your age?”

When this question was posed to 852 men aged 35 to 60 working in Seoul and Gyeonggi, 81 percent said yes — they believed they looked younger than they really were. Only 15.6 percent thought they looked older, and a mere 3 percent said their appearance matched their age.

The study was conducted in 2011 by Kwak Keum-joo, professor emeritus of psychology at Seoul National University and distinguished chair professor at the Daegu Gyeongbuk Institute of Science and Technology.

Kwak, a developmental psychologist, described this as a kind of “positive illusion.”

“Most people in middle age tend to believe they’re younger than they actually are,” she said.

Kwak Keum-joo, professor emeritus of psychology at Seoul National University, analyzes the “Young 40” phenomenon as a reflection of middle-aged anxiety and generational conflict in an interview with the JoongAng Ilbo in Mapo District, western Seoul, on Oct. 14. [KIM KYUNG-ROK]

Fourteen years later, that “illusion of youth” has taken on a new name: "Young 40," as it’s called in Korea. When the term first appeared a decade ago, it was used admiringly to describe middle-aged people who were stylish, health-conscious and culturally savvy.

Today, however, the meaning has shifted. It often refers, with a hint of mockery, to those who try too hard to appear young — middle-aged men in trend-driven clothes or those seeking the approval of younger women, sometimes derisively nicknamed “Sweet Young 40s.”

The JoongAng Ilbo sat down with Kwak to explore the psychology behind the Young 40 phenomenon. Why do people in their 40s still see themselves as young? Why do younger generations react so negatively to them? And how can today’s middle-aged men and women navigate the awkward limbo between youth and aging with confidence?

'The 40s are the changing season of life'

Q. The term "Young 40" started as a compliment but has become a punchline. Why?

A. Think back to your first year of college. Even students just three or four years older — the returning upperclassmen — seemed much older. So, while people in their 40s today may look younger thanks to medical advances and health management, they still appear 'old' to those in their twenties. Some even call them "Teul 40," a portmanteau of teulddak, a slang term mocking the elderly, and "Young 40."

Forty-somethings, meanwhile, still think of themselves as young. That clash in perception creates tension between generations.

Visitors look at luxury goods at Shinsegae Department Store in Myeong-dong, central Seoul, on March 13 in this file photo unrelated to the story. [YONHAP]

Why has buying trendy clothes also become something people make fun of?

Humans instinctively divide the world into in-groups [a group where a person identifies as a member] and out-groups. That tendency is becoming stronger — not just generationally but socially and culturally. In the past, Koreans often identified by region, such as Yeongnam [Korea's southeast] or Honam [Korea's southwest]. Now, they even draw boundaries by neighborhood or apartment brand.

The stronger one’s group identity, the greater the hostility toward outsiders. For people in their 20s, those in their 40s are the out-group. They have their own cultural markers — fashion, brands, entertainment. When middle-aged people with more spending power start imitating those markers, young people often respond with ridicule.

Does the social climate play a role in this shift?

An AI-generated image of a "young 40" man going viral on online communities [JOONGANG ILBO]

Yes. The Young 40s generation spent their twenties in the 1990s — the so-called Generation X. They were more individualistic and consumption-driven than previous generations, and they entered adulthood during an era of rapid economic growth and rising real estate values.

Today’s twentysomethings, on the other hand, are growing up in a low-growth society. From their perspective, people in their 40s already had their share of prosperity. So when they see those same people now trying to "take over" youth culture — fashion, gadgets, entertainment — they feel resentment.

You’ve taught college students for a long time. What changes have you observed?

I’ve been teaching a course called "The Shaky 20s" at Seoul National University since 2005. Each semester, I ask my students, "What’s the most important thing in your life?"

Before 2011, the most common answer was love. After that, it became money. I still remember one student saying, "I’m worried I won’t be able to buy a house." That surprised me. Imagine worrying about housing and financial security at 20.

Because they think about survival so early, they often feel a sense of deprivation when they look at older generations. There was a time when graduating from Seoul National University almost guaranteed a good job. That’s no longer true. That’s why I call today’s twentysomethings 'the generation of adversity.'

The 40-something dilemma

Pedestrians walk along a tree-lined path with autumn foliage at Olympic Park in Songpa District, southern Seoul, on Nov. 3. [NEWS1]

Why are people in their forties so eager to feel young?

It’s about group identity. When you enter your 40s, your body changes and your social role expands, which often causes anxiety. You start to drift away from the group you once belonged to — the young. But you’re not quite ready to join the "middle-aged" group either.

With more financial freedom, many people use consumption — trendy clothes, new tech — as a way to maintain a sense of belonging to the younger generation.

What does psychology say about this stage of life?

From an evolutionary perspective, there was no "middle age" in early human history — life expectancy was too short. By the time people reached their forties, their children were grown, and their sense of purpose waned. Although we live much longer now, that genetic anxiety lingers.

Developmental psychologist Daniel Levinson once described life as four seasons. Middle age, he said, is like autumn. The forties mark the beginning of that autumn — a transitional season when psychological immunity weakens. People start reflecting on their past instead of chasing only the future. Yet emotionally, many still feel like they’re in their 20s. It’s only natural that they want to spend time with younger people.

Why does the mind stay in its 20s?

There’s a concept called the 'reminiscence bump.' When people over forty are asked to recall the best period of their lives, most point to their late teens or twenties. That’s why middle-aged people still listen to the music of their youth — and why they were drawn to the hit TV series "Reply 1988" (2015) and "Reply 1994" (2013), which nostalgically revisited the 1980s and 1990s.

This yearning for youth isn’t inherently bad. In fact, self-perceived youthfulness can boost happiness and mental health.

Why middle-aged men misread signals

Prof. Kwak Keum-joo of Seoul National University, who has listened to students’ concerns through her lecture series since 2005, said she has noticed a shift in the times, observing that today’s 20-somethings worry more about money than romance. Kwak is pictured in this photo taken while talking to the JoongAng Ilbo in Mapo District, western Seoul, on Oct. 14. [KIM KYUNG-ROK]

Some "Sweet Young 40s" cross the line — showing unwelcome attention toward younger women. Why does that happen?

Evolutionary psychologist David Buss of the University of Texas at Austin calls this the "sexual overperception bias." It’s the tendency for men to overestimate a woman’s interest in them. In prehistoric times, missing a potential mating opportunity meant reduced reproductive success, so men evolved to err on the side of overperception.

In modern life, as men get older and marry, they naturally receive fewer sexual cues. So that instinct can manifest as misreading casual friendliness.

Can you give an example?

Imagine a man inviting a female colleague to dinner after finishing a team project. She agrees, thinking it’s a simple post-project meal. But he interprets it as romantic interest. During the dinner, she laughs at his jokes — he takes that as another signal. She playfully taps his shoulder — and he decides to confess his feelings.

The woman, of course, had no such intention. Not all men are like this, but evolutionary psychology suggests many are predisposed to such misinterpretations — and problems arise when those feelings are unwanted.

It happens all the time in real life. A friend of mine — a man my age — once misread a college student who told him, "You’re so cool" and "You’re really funny." He thought she might be interested in him, so I had to scold him and tell him to snap out of it.

Some men in their forties seem afraid of being mocked. What's the psychology behind that?

That often comes from low self-confidence and a strong need for social recognition. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the desire for esteem intensifies in midlife.

Compared to their twenties, people in their 40s now have more social authority and financial stability. Now that they've achieved that status, they want acknowledgment for the hard work they put in when they were young — a kind of psychological reward. They want others to look at them with admiration or respect. For example, a team leader at work wants to be seen by team members as a capable and respectable boss.

What if they don't get that respect?

If they don’t receive that recognition, they can feel empty. In extreme cases, it leads to what’s called the "Chronos complex" — named after the mythological Titan who devoured his children out of fear of being overthrown. It’s the anger and insecurity that arise when subordinates seem to challenge one’s authority. This can manifest as the behavior Koreans call kkondae — the overbearing, condescending senior.

"A real Young 40 knows themselves"

Kwak Keum-joo, professor emeritus of psychology at Seoul National University, speaks with the JoongAng Ilbo in Mapo District, western Seoul, on Oct. 14. [KIM KYUNG-ROK]

How can someone become a "cool" Young 40?

They need metacognition — the ability to see themselves objectively. When you buy clothes, ask yourself, "Do I genuinely like this?" or "Does this suit me?" It’s fine to wear what younger people wear if it fits your taste. The problem is doing it just to look young or to impress younger people.

Today’s people in their 40s are healthier and more culturally engaged than ever. They shouldn’t feel insecure. People in their 50s and 60s actually envy those in their 40s. Instead of being 'self-conscious Young Forties,' they can be authentic ones.

If you could ask just one self-reflective question, what would that be?

Ask yourself, "Am I truly competent?" If you have real ability, you’ll naturally earn respect — without needing to prove yourself. Insecurity often stems from a lack of confidence in one’s own skills.

What’s the best way to connect with younger generations?

Don’t try to talk your way into connection. Share experiences. Asking "How are you?" or "How's work?" and "Do you have any worries?" can sound like an interrogation.

Instead, share the things they enjoy and connect through shared experiences. Emotional exchange happens most naturally when you enjoy activities together. If you watch the same movies, play the same games, or join the same hobby groups — like the running clubs popular these days — emotional communication happens naturally.

Who, in your opinion, embodies that kind of authentic connection?

Actress Youn Yuh-jung listens to a question during a press conference at the 30th Busan International Film Festival (BIFF) at the Busan Cinema Center in Haeundae District, Busan, on Sept. 19. [YONHAP]

Youn Yuh-jung, the actor. She talks about aging openly and doesn’t pretend to be younger than she is. She’s natural and honest — that’s why she connects across generations. To communicate with younger people, you don’t need to act knowledgeable or youthful. Just show yourself as you are.

This article was originally written in Korean and translated by a bilingual reporter with the help of generative AI tools. It was then edited by a native English-speaking editor. All AI-assisted translations are reviewed and refined by our newsroom.
BY LEE SEONG-BONG [[email protected]]