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From excited to exhausted: Survey finds reality of fatherhood far from initial expectations

Published: 23 Nov. 2025, 07:00 Updated: 23 Nov. 2025, 16:07

Parents and babies enjoy a sports event for infants in Seongnam, Gyeonggi, in August. [NEWS1]

For many men in Korea, the fantasy of fun-filled fatherhood is cast aside for a reality of “weekend-only, busy dads” — a gap between the dream and reality revealed in a new survey of fathers raising young children.

The Korea Population, Health and Welfare Association on Nov. 16 released the results of a survey conducted in October of 418 men with underage children. Respondents were asked about how their perceptions of fatherhood had changed before and after having kids.

The contrast between ideal and real fatherhood was stark. When fathers were asked to describe the kind of dad they had envisioned becoming beforehand, the most common keyword was “friend,” selected by 19.4 percent of respondents.

It was followed by "play" at 14 percent, "together" at 9.9 percent, "affectionate" at 9.1 percent and "communication" at 6.5 percent. In written responses, many described images such as “a dad who takes a trip every week” or “a dad who holds hands on walks.”

But the respondents said they actually became quite different from their initial expectations. The top keyword was “busy,” cited by 15.1 percent. It was followed by "weekend" at 8.3 percent, "tired" at 7 percent, "exhausted" at 6.5 percent and "scolding" at 5.4 percent. Written responses often described “a dad who only has time on weekends” or “a dad the kids only see when they’re asleep.”

When the keywords were categorized by emotional tone, 99 percent of the ideal images were positive, while 75 percent of the real-life images were negative. As for the reasons behind this gap, respondents cited being too drained from work to focus on child care, finding child care more difficult and unpredictable than expected and limited "emotional bandwidth" because of a lack of rest.

The mismatch also appeared in their actual child care activities. Before having children, 44.3 percent ifhe fathers believed that playing with their kids would be the area in which they would excel.

Children are seen playing in a fountain in a park in Gwangju on July 2. [YONHAP]

In reality, however, the activity they felt most confident in was household work not directly related to child care, such as cleaning or doing dishes, at 22.5 percent. Play followed at 21.1 percent. The results suggest that fathers felt more comfortable supporting the household than in hands-on caregiving.

The areas they found most challenging were education, cited by 32.1 percent, and cooking, at 19.6 percent. This indicates that discipline and guidance — core parts of childhood education — felt particularly burdensome.

When asked what support would help them parent better, the most common answer was financial assistance, at 33.5 percent. A significant share, 20.4 percent, said they hoped for psychological counseling or educational programs.

The association said programs to strengthen fathers’ confidence and skills in child care, including training and counseling, are needed.

“Even though fathers have high aspirations for parenting, we can see that they face time and emotional constraints in reality,” said Lee Sam-sik, head of the association, adding, “We will work to strengthen practical support so that fathers can grow into active, capable parents.”

This article was originally written in Korean and translated by a bilingual reporter with the help of generative AI tools. It was then edited by a native English-speaking editor. All AI-assisted translations are reviewed and refined by our newsroom.
BY JUNG JONG-HOON [[email protected]]