Hi, ever met an emperor?

The feeling was right, so we went to Ladies Night. But when we got there, we realized that something was frightfully wrong: Far more men were there than women.
Every Thursday evening, two Itaewon bars, the Loft and Helios, lure women with offers of free drinks until 10:30 p.m. The Loft, on the south side of the main drag and down by the fire station, is a cozy, casual bar verging on dive status. Helios, a few steps kitty-corner from the Loft, is upmarket, but still welcoming.
Sadly, last Thursday, neither had many ladies. This was especially true at the Loft, where the guy/girl ratio was about 9 to 1. To make matters worse, the music was loud enough to kill puppies and the air hot enough to fuse your shoes to the floor.
Alarmed, the Itaewon Wanderings love doctors were able to locate a couple of women ― Marisa and Mina ― and ask them why so many of their sex were staying away, when it was their night and all.
Marisa, a Ladies Night regular, was a 23-year-old strawberry-blonde hippie chick English teacher from San Francisco. She was defensive when the doctors started at her with the questions, but eventually opened up.
We asked her What Women Want, besides the music turned down, the air conditioner turned up and free booze. Slurping a daiquiri, she complained that Ladies Night brings out the bad lines in men. She gets approached 20-25 times every Ladies Night, she said, but had yet to hear a respectable come-on.
The most common and obnoxious Ladies Night lines, according to Marisa, are:
“So?”
“You live alone?”
“Can you get me a drink?”
“Would you like to see your name in next Tuesday’s newspaper?”
Her friend Mina, a bright-eyed 25-year-old local girl who teaches English at a private institute, agreed. “Most of the guys we meet here are creeps,” she said. “About four out of five are creeps. And that’s being generous.”
So there you go gentlemen: According to this study, if you want to do well on Ladies Night, pick a female target and wait until four creeps have blundered at it. Then it’s due for a payoff.
But seriously. Lovely women like Marisa and Mina deserve to hear some decent lines after working hard all day and gussying themselves up before going out. So the love doctors generated and tested out several over the weekend.
Here are the ones that got the best responses:
“Hey. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Let’s just make the best of it.”
“Are you Jamaican? Because you’re Jamaican me crazy.”
If the prey is on the move: “Stand still so I can pick you up.”
If the prey is alone and looking around: “Looking for me?”
Once you’re eyeing the prey’s backside: “Is that seat taken?”
But seriously. The real problem is in the numbers. The love doctors wonder whether, if Ladies Night is dominated by men, would the inverse be true? Would Gentlemen’s Night be dominated by women?
The Loft, are you listening?
Didn’t think so.

by Mike Ferrin