‘Jean’ gets my vote for Miss Universe

This has been a great week for the universe, as 81 of its loveliest creatures have assembled in Thailand for the Miss Universe pageant.
O.K., you’re scoffing now. But you have to admit, beauty pageants are fun. And they’re not just about beauty. They’re also sources of wisdom and insight.
Like last year, when Miss USA was asked what was the biggest gift women gave to the world. “Children,” she said. Wow.
Anyway, while the whole world should be excited about this year’s pageant, Korea doesn’t seem to be. The local media seem indifferent. Why? Because Korea’s contestant doesn’t stand a chance. Don’t take my word for it.?The bookies at Sportsbook.com have Miss Korea at 200 to 1, the longest odds save for Miss Angola.
In my opinion, Korea could have done a lot better by sending an Itaewon bargirl, one with confidence, charisma and sex appeal. Or better yet, it could have snuck in one of our transvestites.
A good one would be “Jean,” who works at Itaewon’s best transgender bar, Trance, up on Gay Hill. The other night I asked her if she wished she were in Bangkok now, representing Korea.
Jean, in tall heels, black sequin party dress, Marilyn Monroe wig and heavy blue eye shadow, said “yes of course,” and agreed that she’d make a perfect Miss Korea, since she loves the spotlight, and loves to sing, dance and show skin.
Like on Saturdays, when Trance has its cabaret nights, and Jean steals the show. ?
If Jean were in the pageant, she’d run away with the talent competition, by dancing “like Madonna or Janet Jackson.”? And with her sturdy yet svelte figure, she’d be formidable in the swimsuit contest, wearing a “blue floral two-piece.”
But how would she do in the critical question and answer part?
To test her out, I asked how she would promote world peace during her one-year reign if she won. “I would help lonely men,” she said with eminent grace and poise. “I would give myself to all men who have no girlfriends. I would travel all over the world, giving myself to all races.”
Then I asked her to describe her strengths and weaknesses.? “My biggest strength is my wigs,” she said. “I have about 30 or 40, so I can change my style every day.” Another strong point, she added, is that she can punch “harder than normal girls.”
And weaknesses? “I can never make decisions,” she said.? “Like when I go to a restaurant, I have no idea what to order.? I just get what my friends get.”
Good answers.?
Speaking of uncertainties, the pageant is Monday night, but probably won’t be on TV here. So if you want a look at the real Miss Korea (who’s actually quite attractive), check out the Miss Universe slideshow at yahoo.com. Then drop in on Jean at Trance and decide who’s better.

by Mike Ferrin