One rapper finds her way back from fentanyl addiction

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One rapper finds her way back from fentanyl addiction

Rapper Satsuki (Kim Eun-Ji) sits for an interview with the JoongAng Ilbo at the Addiction Rehabilitation Center of the Korea Anti-Drugs Movement Headquarters in Seoul on June 23. [KIM MIN-JOONG]

Rapper Satsuki (Kim Eun-Ji) sits for an interview with the JoongAng Ilbo at the Addiction Rehabilitation Center of the Korea Anti-Drugs Movement Headquarters in Seoul on June 23. [KIM MIN-JOONG]

 
“Painful gums. No appetite. Throwing up. Shivering and chills. The feeling of insects crawling right under your skin. Constipation. Seizures. Four cardiac arrests ...”  
 
Those are the withdrawal symptoms suffered by 20-year-old rapper Satsuki (Kim Eun-ji) after a two-year fentanyl addiction.  
 
“The withdrawal symptoms from fentanyl make you feel like a zombie who can’t eat or sleep,” Satsuki says in an interview with the JoongAng Ilbo at the Addiction Rehabilitation Center of the Korea Anti-Drugs Movement Headquarters.  
 
And then there are the relapses.  
 
“When you use fentanyl again, the symptoms are gone and you feel alive," she explains. "But shortly after, an inexplicable pain hits you.”
 
“Fentanyl is the devil in disguise. It’s Satan himself.”  
 
Satsuki wants to go public with details of her fentanyl addiction, although they might embarrass her, so others will avoid the path she was lured down.
 
The number of drug arrests has been rapidly increasing in recent years, reaching a record high of 16,153 in 2021. Young adults and teenagers accounted for 34.2 percent.
 
Fentanyl is one of the main reasons for the rising numbers.  
 
Considered one of the most addictive drugs, fentanyl is a synthetic opioid analgesic that is 100 times more potent than heroin. That means its euphoric, affordable high is also highly likely to lead to an overdose.
 
Illegal imports of fentanyl have increased over the years as the underground fentanyl industry became more and more developed in China and India. Fentanyl has been imported into Korea in wholesale quantities.  
 
Medicinal fentanyl is also misused. As a strong opioid painkiller, it can be prescribed to patients with terminal cancer, severe injuries or who are in severe pain.   
 
In 2019, fentanyl became so popular in the hip-hop industry that “it was hard to find rappers that didn’t use fentanyl,” according to Satsuki.  
 
“The more famous you were, the more likely you were to be doing fentanyl. Drugs became the norm among rappers.”
 
Satsuki says she knew nine people who fatally overdosed on fentanyl.  
 
“I’m one of the first-generation rappers who did fentanyl, and I’m the only one left," she adds.  
 
"All the others are dead or in prison.”  
 
“Regularly using fentanyl will kill you within two years. One of my friends died within a month of using.”  
 
“Another friend, a rapper, was doing fentanyl when he suddenly collapsed. His face was yellow and his lips blue. I called 911, and luckily he woke up. I begged him to not do fentanyl for at least a day, but he didn’t listen. He took fentanyl right away and died.”  
 
Satsuki’s acquaintances were also involved in another fentanyl-related death, but this time it was murder. In July 2020, a group was getting high in a studio flat in Mapo. They were heavy users of fentanyl and got extremely high. One thing led to another and one of the group ended up dead. In a panic, the group moved the corpse to Incheon. 
 
“Both the perpetrators and victim were my acquaintances," Satsuki says, "close enough to attend my concerts.”  
 
Satsuki resents the rapper who first offered her fentanyl.  
 
“He told me it wasn’t a drug, that it was a legal pain reliever. He said it would help me get rid of my menstrual cramps.”  
 
Satsuki was 19. She reluctantly tried it. With one whiff, she says, it seemed like she couldn't stop. 
 
As little as 500 micrograms of fentanyl create a high.  
 
Satsuki confesses that during her addiction, she went to hospitals pretending to be in severe pain and asking for fentanyl prescriptions. She wasn't the only one to try that.
 
“Among addicts, word spread on which hospitals gave out fentanyl prescriptions. If I said I was in pain and asked for fentanyl, some doctors just wrote me a prescription.”  
 
One addiction led to the next, Satsuki says. Like many fentanyl addicts, she also took marijuana, LSD and dietamine, an appetite suppressant.  
 
“I once took ten dietamine tablets and couldn’t sleep for five days.”  
 
Satsuki’s fentanyl addiction hurt her relationship with her mother, and led to violence with her boyfriend. He was a rapper too, and they got high together. Fights sometimes escalated to the point where they were swinging knives at each other. She has the scars to prove it: her left arm has about 20 scars.  
 
“I wanted to commit suicide because the pain was so bad,” Satsuki says. 
 
Last July, she promised herself to get clean -- she couldn’t live like this anymore.  
 
Satsuki converted to Christianity for guidance and started her recovery.  
 
She started going to a rehabilitation center for psychological counseling and meetings with other addicts. Three times a week she went to a therapist to discuss ways to prevent a relapse.  
 
“Next month [July], I’ll be clean for one year. I’m so happy that I’m close to my family again.” 
 
However, the Korean Association Against Drug Abuse warns that, realistically, only one or two out of 1,000 addicts fully recover. 
 
Even Satsuki, clean for a year, suffers the risk of relapse. Many rappers who recovered from fentanyl addiction have gone back, which she's very aware of.
 
“I love that I recovered," Satsuki says now. "I would never go back to that time in my life when drugs took me over.”
 
Satsuki particularly hopes that teens avoid the mistakes she made. She thinks schools should actively conduct drug-prevention education programs and properly warn students about the dangers of drugs.  
 
“If I had received a proper education on drugs even once, I would have never done them in the first place. I was unaware of how dangerous they could be.”  
 
What would she tell teenagers?
 
“There’s no ‘one time’ when it comes to drugs.
 
"Nobody can stop after the first time. That’s how the addiction starts.
 
“Drugs aren’t cool.
 
"They’re not something to be proud of doing.
 
"Drugs kill you."

BY KIM MIN-JOONG [kjdnational@joongang.co.kr]
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