Marriage reality TV turns out to be not so family friendly

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Marriage reality TV turns out to be not so family friendly

Published: 27 Dec. 2022, 12:33

MBC's reality show "Oh Eun-young's Report: Marriage Hell" features the renowned psychiatrist as a relationship mentor. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

Korea has a new obsession: reality TV shows shedding light on the ugliest sides of marriage and family life.

The public used to dismiss such shows as nothing more than a guilty pleasure, but now many are pointing out their potential dangers.

The catalyst was an episode of MBC’s reality show “Oh Eun-young's Report: Marriage Hell” that aired on Dec. 19, which showed a 7-year-old girl being raised by her mother and stepfather. On camera, the stepfather made inappropriate physical contact with the girl, claiming he was “playing a game,” although she strongly protested. The mother was shown simply looking on.

As the striking title suggests, “Marriage Hell” had already been infamous for depicting toxic or even violent relationship dynamics, but playing them down. But to viewers, seeing the sexual harassment against a child was the final straw.

The latest episode of "Marriage Hell” showed a 7-year-old girl being raised by her mother and stepfather. On camera, the stepfather repeatedly made inappropriate physical contact with the girl, claiming he was “playing a game” although she strongly protested. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

Korean netizens expressed outrage and disbelief that the show’s producers allowed a child to be sexually harassed on camera and then aired it on television. Many also criticized Oh Eun-young, the mentor to the couples on the show and a renowned psychiatrist, who appeared to minimize the severity of the incident, describing the father as “lonely” and the child as “sensitive.”

After the show received over 3,600 viewer complains, Oh issued a statement saying the full scope of her comments were not included in the episode due to heavy editing. The police have since launched an investigation into the matter, and “Marriage Hell” announced a two-week break.

But “Marriage Hell” is hardly a unique show on Korean television today, in the sense that it both normalizes domestic abuse and fails to protect the children involved.

The kids are not alright

MBN’s “Teenage Parents” (2022-), also known as “High school mom and dad,” tvN’s “We cha-cha-cha” (2022), Tving’s “Between Marriage and Divorce” (2022) and TV Chosun’s “We Got Divorced 2” (2022) all center around toxic relationships and fights for dramatic value.

The featured couples’ children often watch their parents’ verbal and physical conflicts as they are being filmed.

To capture these dramatic moments on camera, the staff hardly step in to stop the fights or remove the children from the scene. In the latest case of “Marriage Hell,” viewers were shocked that no staff member intervened or called the authorities as the child vocally resisted harassment.

A couple featured on MBN's "Teenage Parents" engage in a physical fight. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

“The fact that nobody noticed a problem during filming or editing indicates that producers prioritized sensationalism, to the point that they failed to recognize a crime against a child,“ said Lim Myung-ho, a psychology professor at Dankook University. “Provocative content gets the views, but there has to be a level of filtering and internal critique. People are outraged, and rightly so.”

Child actors starring in films or dramas have laws to protect them on set, or at least well-established protocols, as the industry has a long history. When filming violent scenes involving child actors, they remain unaware of the disturbing storyline as a whole in order to protect their mental well-being. Certain unsettling elements are replaced with computer graphics, and the child actors have access to psychological counseling.

On the other hand, there is no law or protocol for children involved in these trendy new marriage reality shows. They are completely exposed to their parents’ troubled relationship and altercations, while the cameras in these “observation reality” shows do just that: observe.

Family, at all costs

Most marriage reality shows feature a panel of celebrities and experts who chime in while watching the footage. The panel’s advice often plays down abusive behavior or attempts to understand the abuser.

Similar to how the stepfather in question was initially described as “lonely” and “deserving pity,” back in October, “Marriage Hell” was also accused of describing a verbally and physically abusive husband as simply “battling depression.”

Another episode of “Marriage Hell” in September featured a woman who had been beaten by her husband back when she was pregnant. The show focused on reconciliation and maintaining the marriage rather than highlighting the severity of physical assault by a partner.

Oh came under fire after describing the stepfather in question as “lonely” and “deserving pity.” [SCREEN CAPTURE]

Non-physical abuse like emotional negligence or verbal assault are overlooked even more so. TV Chosun’s “We Got Divorced 2” encouraged already-divorced couples to reunite “for the children’s sake” despite the relationship clearly appearing to be dysfunctional.

The attitude is largely in line with Korea’s domestic violence law, which states in its first clause that its primary purpose is to “restore peace and stability in destroyed families” rather than hold the abuser accountable.

“In response to the low birth rate nowadays [in Korea], there is an overall social atmosphere encouraging families to stay together as much as possible,” said Lee Hyun-jae, a feminist philosopher and professor at the University of Seoul’s Institute for Urban Humanities. “We see that in policies, and we’re seeing TV shows adhere to that atmosphere."

Marriage reality shows have also faced backlash for normalizing relationships between minors and adults — as long as they give birth and start a family. MBN’s “Teenage Parents” starred a couple that gave birth when the woman was an 18-year-old minor and the father was her 28-year-old mentor at church. It later featured another couple who gave birth when the mother was 19, a minor in Korean age, and the father was 30.

The show included no criticism toward relationships between minors and adults and rather asked viewers to “look at the family without prejudice.”

MBN’s “Teenage Parents” starred a couple that gave birth when the wife was an 18-year-old minor and the father was her 28-year-old mentor at church. The show mentioned no criticism toward relationships between minors and adults. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

While the age of consent in Korea is 16, many viewers criticized the show for failing to mention the imbalanced power dynamic between a minor and an adult — especially when child grooming has recently surfaced as a major social problem. “Marriage Hell” is also being accused of overlooking the stepfather’s apparent attempt to groom the 7-year-old, by depicting inappropriate physical contact as a misunderstood expression of love.

Underlying danger

Marriage reality shows, in an attempt to portray a wholesome ending, have a track record of treating abusive behavior as something to work on as a family, not report.

Experts point out it is already difficult in Korean society for family members to report domestic violence to authorities, due to the social atmosphere that dismisses it as a private matter. They warn that the message given off by these marriage reality shows can perpetuate this notion.

“These shows purport to be as realistic as possible, which is also why viewers are so emotionally invested,” said Prof. Lim. “But they also show footage of real-life abuse and treat it like it’s not serious. Families going through a similar unhealthy dynamic can watch that and think, ‘I guess that’s just how other families are too.’ That’s a dangerous mindset to install.”

Officially launched in September, “Marriage Hell” has been infamous for depicting toxic or even violent relationship dynamics but playing them down. [SCREEN CAPTURE]

“Many Koreans endure domestic violence — including sexual abuse — for the sake of maintaining the family,” said Prof. Lee. “Often times, the victims aren’t even sure if they’re being abused, or don’t want to admit it. It takes a lot of internal conflict within the victim until they acknowledge that and report it. The last thing we need is TV shows adding to the confusion by trivializing violence and further blurring the line.”

Prof. Lee added the Korean public's anger toward “Marriage Hell” is the first step for better domestic abuse awareness, but the ire should not be focused solely on the show’s producers or psychiatrist Oh.

“The public opinion is now so focused on condemning the individuals involved,” she said. “But we mustn’t lose sight of the bigger picture: Our society as a whole has been desensitized [to abuse]. Korea needs a dialogue on this background that allowed this disturbing episode to air. Simply criticizing Oh doesn’t really solve anything.”

BY HALEY YANG [yang.hyunjoo@joongang.co.kr]